In the interests of keeping an accurate record of this whole experience, I ought to make a note of last night's non-practice since it has a lot to do with the partnership and dancing in general. Essentially, I just had a meltdown, the first one in the year in a half that we've been dancing.
I have a few exciting and somewhat stressful things coming up in extra-dance life right now, and that, combined with lack of sleep and a bit of general frustration with the aimlessness and lack of drive in our dance training right now was just a lethal combination. Jeff kept asking me why I looked sad/angry/annoyed, and eventually it all came out, tears and all. (I so did not want it to go there, but couldn't seem to hold it in anymore.) Sometimes when I've dedicated so much and sacrificed a lot for something I really care about, I am occasionally plagued by doubts that it has been worth everything I've put into it. Ultimately and deep down, I know it has in this case, but yesterday at the moment I felt like I'd hit a brick wall emotionally. Granted, Jeff's motivation with regard to our own training has been flagging a bit lately too, and my sense that he doesn't care so much about it anymore just augmented my own frustrations.
We had a long talk about it all though and agreed that we'll be taking the rest of this week off; I'll be busy this weekend anyway and Jeff is teaching all night tonight, so it's a good time to do that. I guess we'll see where we are next week and go from there. I still love practice just to practice because I love dancing so much, but I may begin to supplement that with some lessons on my own, just to give me some new ideas for what to work on. We'll see.